Under Robert Evan's watch in the 1970s, Paramount Pictures was responsible for some of the greatest movies in cinematic history, including Chinatown, Rosemary’s Baby, The Godfather and Marathon Man. For half a century he’s also been Hollywood’s most legendary ladies’ man. So legendary in fact, that he’s been married seven times. Now hitched to English royal Lady Victoria Whit of Hull, Evans has finally met his match. “I’m in my 70s,” says Evans, “but I’ve lived 700 years, and finally a miracle happened. I fell madly, insatiably in love for the first time in seven centuries.” So how did he do it? By following these seven simple lessons:

1. Women Know Everything

Any man who thinks he can read the mind of a woman is a man who knows nothing. Women are too smart - way smarter than men. Men are out gunned from the get-go. The hair on a woman’s pussy is stronger than the Atlantic cable. Married men come home to their wives and never think, “She’s been playing around.” She might be playing around, she might not… You’ll never really know. But when a man cheats, all a woman as to do is touch his skin. They smell our breath and they just know. They might not say anything right away. A woman holds on to a secret until it can do the most damage. If I were born again as a woman I would control America.

2. Woman are freer than men

There’s a group of very powerful Hollywood women who get together for lunch every Tuesday. They call themselves “Cunts Anonymous.” They invited me along once, and what they talked about during that lunch made me blush. Women are just much freer than men. Get five women in a room and they’ll say anything. They’ll talk about the hows and the whys, they’ll get technical and they’ll discuss the best way to luck pussy.

Actresses take it to a whole other level. Do you ever see full-frontal nudity from me? No way. No male star will ever show his private parts. Men have penile inhibitions. Any woman will show it all. Sure, she’ll insist it must be art, that it can’t be exploitative, that it must be true to her character. That’s bullshit. Women will just show it off because they can show it off. They’re freer and that’s where the power lies.

3. Always do the unexpected

You want to get into a girls head? Then don’t do things to please her - do things hat are unexpected. I knew this girl, an actress, a very, very big actress. She was working in New York. She called me up, told me she was having a bad day and told me to buy her a present. So I sent my driver out to find a rose with the longest stem in New York. He drove everywhere, but he found one. The box was seven feet long. I attached a card. The note read, “A rose is a rose is a rose and you’re a cunt.” That’s what I mean by the unexpected. Did it work? You bet it did. That actress still has my note. She put it in a platinum frame that still hangs in her house.

4. Never try to change someone

Having been married seven times I realize that everything in life is temporary. My problem was monogamy. Until now, I had never been monogamous in my life. But I’ll tell you this: When you’re seeing somebody, bad luck starts with bad ideas. If you meet a woman whom nobody can please, you’re not going to be the one to break that streak. Every man thinks he can change a woman, and every man is wrong. So here’s my advice: Don’t try to improve the person. You fell in love with that woman for who she is - don’t expect her to become something else.

5. Never marry an actress

I’ve been acting since I was 12, and actresses were the only people I ever met. But the’re all crazy. The bigger the star, the crazier the woman. You see, actresses live with rejection. It’s a constant in their lives and it’s horrible. It’s very hard to always be there for them I’ve been married to some of the most beautiful women in the world and beauty alone won’t cut it. What’s more boring than a beautiful women who can’t open her mouth? My ex-wives are all great. I’ve never signed a prenuptial and I’ve never paid alimony. Who in Hollywood can say that? That’s because I’m friends with allof the exes. Or almost all. I’m actually friends with five-and-a-half of them.

6. Suffering is overrated, heart is everything

If you’re going to do something for someone, just do it. Never look for reciprocity. That’s when things get fucked. When I was younger I put a kid through college. He was almost a complete stranger, but he had polio and wanted an education, so I gave him one. After four years of college he came to me and said, “Now I want to go to law school.” I suggested he go out and work for a while to try to make some of his own money. He started screaming at me. He said, “I hate you, I’ve always hated you, you have everything, I have nothing. You’re just a selfish prick.” I told him to send me a nickel a week for the rest of his life. That’s all I wanted back. He never sent me anything Did I care? Suffering is overrated. It’s all about heart. Would I do it again? You bet your ass I would.

7. Communication is the key to happiness

There are all these psychiatrists getting rich in Hollywood because people can’t talk to the people they’re supposed to be talking to These psychiatrists are like hookers. So I’ll tell you, if you’re not hungry to get back into a conversation with the woman in your life, then forget it. If you’re staying up late listening just because of what you think will happen next, then what are you sitting there for? I’ll tell you. The fucking you’re getting isn’t worth the fucking you’re getting.

I wrote in my autobiography, The Kid Stays in the Picture, that there are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. If you can’t deal with the truth, then don’t ask. So sometimes it’s better not to know certain things. That’s part of good communication, too. Omission isn’t lying. A wise man or a smart lady never asks the wrong questions. I’ve never lied. When someone asks me one of those kinds of questions I tell them, “Don’t ask, you don’t want to know.”